That Small Voice

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."-Isaiah 30:21

Over the past few years I have chosen to become aware of my first formation, the habits, traits, and beliefs that were instilled in me as a child and throughout very formative teenage years. As I have become more aware of myself, peeling away layer after layer of ideas that were handed to me instead of manifested on my own accord, I have been able to listen to my intuition, that voice inside me that points the way, the way that leads to freedom and awareness.

This is the voice that comforts when I am afraid, leads when I am lost, reminds me of my worth and value when I question, proposes visions for the future, and nudges me ever so gently to love and accept myself in the midst of hardship. 

This is the voice that led me to India, to Mission Year, to intentional community in Phoenix, and to all the “chance” encounters of my life. This is the voice that encourages me to seek and question, to accept that which resonates with my own soul, to listen and sit with people in their struggles.

Since returning from Houston at the end of July and moving into community with two friends I met in some of those aforementioned “chance” encounters, I have struggled to find the next step. The vision of beloved community has led me through the last two years of my life, propelling me always to the next step, the next encounter.

Now that I’m here, living in community, I’m struggling to figure out the direction. What do I do now? What do I get involved in? What is that voice telling me?

Sometimes that voice is a bit quiet, a bit harder to hear through the thundering thoughts and seemingly overwhelming life circumstances. Yet I know it’s there, nestled within me somewhere, always present, always alive, ready to lead me through the questions, the heartache, the depression, and the fog.

“God remained elusive, but a radiance presented itself every day. Inside the radiance a voice whispered, ‘I am here.’” – Deepak Chopra

On a less philosophical note, living with Emily and Justin has brought new insights and challenges as we navigate one another’s personalities, preferences, habits, lifestyles, and love languages. We have had late nights of conversation about our own worth and value, how our childhoods have hindered us or freed us to be our true selves, and hilarious stories of growing up.

We have made sure to intentionally set aside time to share life and meals with one another, eating dinner together four days a week, one of those days being our hospitality night where we invite friends and neighbors to share dinner with us. We have worked out a schedule where we have meetings on Monday nights to discuss the week and any concerns we have. On Wednesdays we work through some sort of curriculum to better understand ourselves, each other, and the world. On Fridays Emily and I usually hang out and have some girl time, which lately has meant going to panel discussion for social justice concerns such as the treatment of LGBT immigrant detainees. Sunday is our hospitality night and the day we go grocery shopping for the week. We’ve got ourselves into a pretty good routine, which is sometimes thrown off by neighborhood potlucks or other events that we work around.

We are seeking to love one another intentionally, fully. We are seeking direction for our own lives and how we fit into the world. We may not be doing it perfectly, but we’re doing it.